Reunion...Of a different sort.. {Zadiken}

[Zadiken Anvion]

Zadiken stopped in his tracks when he heard her say "Your heart." He looked over at her slowly as the paper began to glow, a small set of markings on the paper. He walked over to the desk and sat, slowly moving the paper to the side.

"... Lana, I'm..." he sighed and reached across the desk, touching her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lana." he looked down and closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

He wanted forgiveness, sure. But more importantly, he realized that she had suffered. Absolutely miserable. How could he let anything overshadow that? He needed to resolve this... to bring them back together to the team that they were. Maybe not as close as they were, stealing fifteen minutes here or there in the random broom closet, but closer. he needed to fix this.

"Lana, listen. About what happened... I... I didn't think I would have been a good father then. As a matter of fact, I knew it. I was scared. I left. I was just like my Dad." He said this last part with severe distaste. He looked down at the desk, hand still outstretched on her shoulder.

"Trust me, Lana. I won't leave again. I... I need you."

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana looked up at Zadiken as he touched her shoulder, fighting with herself on whether to pull away or stay there under the pressure of his hold. Still warring with herself, she met his eyes and listened to his spiel about how sorry he was, how he was scared, and his voiced reasoning as to why he had left her at the doors of Hogwarts after their graduation. She shrugged almost imperceptibly but was sure he felt it as his had was still placed firmly on her shoulder.

"Zadiken, it's over, it's done with.....It's the past, nothing can change it, and it's apparently going to take me a while to get over what I thought was long dead. With the ministry trying to shove their noses where they don't belong, maybe we should focus on that."

Even as she said it, Lana didn't believe herself, nor feel any better about the prospect. With a crestfallen look she tried to hide, Lana looked at the paper that Zadiken had pushed aside. "What's it doing now?"

[Zadiken Anvion]

Zadiken peered at her perceptibly. Right. She just wanted to dodge it. Nope.

He shook his head. "No... Lana. This first. We need to work this out." he said, taking her hand. "I know it's a far cry before we could be like the way we were before, but... I haven't been with another woman since you..." he looked at her in the eyes. He was being completely truthful. He hadn't even enjoyed the touch of another woman since that day, resolving never to give himself away because of the heartbreak he knew she endured. This was part of what caused him to grow up, pursue alchemy, and even partake in soul-searching rituals with an old friend of his family. He tried desperately to search for himself, and failed miserably. What was he to do?

He took her other hand, ignoring the paper, and looked her in the eyes. "That first day, when I told you I loved you, I meant it, Lana. I truly did. No other person could make me as happy as you do." he sighed and looked down at the desk. "I thought I had lost you forever." he held back tears, tears that he didn't even cry when he returned to find she had gone... the heartbreak was immense, but he knew he has chased her away.

He looked back up at her, his eyes red with held back tears.

"I'm so sorry... Lana... can we start over?"

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana wondered if Zadiken were pulling her leg, leading her on yet again, just trying to find a way to pry information out of her or weasel his way close so the ministry could take over. She continued to doubt that Zadiken really was against the ministry, after all, it was the Minister himself who had appointed him to come here.

Lana sat there taken aback slightly at the sudden turn the topic of conversation had taken... She had thought she hid it well enough, though she had forgotten how perceptive Zadiken was if he paid attention. She have him a wavering smile, " You expect me to believe that you, mr. player, hasn't looked let alone touched another woman since? " Lana snickered, right.....

" Ok, if I give you that one, then why did you run? How did you think I felt? We had just graduated, hadn't even made plans for our supposed future yet, and I come to you suspecting I might have been pregnant?.... Did you think at all?...."

Lana tried not to let this upset her, and trying to, against her better judgement at that point, resolve or start to resolve any personal issues they had before continuing trying to work together. Making her at least her voice show a minute amount of control, she tried again, " Okay. I'm sorry... But I was scared then, and I'm scared now, because I never expected to see you again let alone be in the same room with you. And because I thought I had gotten over you. So I'm sorry...... And I've not had another, willingly since you...."

Lana tried to pull away and look at the parchment once more, trying to calm her nerves and focus on work, though she looked up at Zadiken expectantly.

[Zadiken Anvion]

He looked at her for a second. "Willingly. What do you mean by willingly...? Were you...?" he stared at her with several mixed emotions coursing through him, the first one rage.
"...Who. Who and when?" he said cooly.
He had completely abandoned any thought of secret chambers or hidden temples... Whatever happened to Lana, someone would pay, and dearly. He looked her in the eyes and slowly said "Please... tell me." he said, the utmost care in his voice.

He had remembered, during his aurorship, having spent time with Muggle police, he knew the crimes against the body were the most difficult to deal with, and the most difficult to solve in the Muggle World. In the Wizarding world... all it took was a name. And he hoped... prayed that she would answer him. He would rain wrath and hell upon whoever hurt her... whoever used her for their own sick game.

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana looked at Zadiken with a passive shrug. Names? Dates? How was she supposed to know, they happened in alleys, or maybe after going to bars that she frequented after Zadiken had left her on the Hogwarts steps watching him leave.

"I meant exactly what I said......Not......Never willingly since you.. And yes, I was.... Probably about, or at least four times over the span of years I lived in the muggle world. As far as names, I have none.. They were all chance encounters in alleys or at bars or such."she almost whispered, for she was embarrassed she had let herself be taken advantage of.

Though, Lana pretty much brushed it off, for there was nothing anyone could do now she hadn't known any of her attackers, and authorities in the muggle world had not taken her seriously every time she had went to report any of the attacks, so she had learned to deal with it and put them in the past.

Changing the subject, Lana tried smiling at the care his voice held, and said, " Well, now that you found out the baggage, what's been up with you? How did you make it into the Ministry's pocket?"

Still uncomfortable talking about most things that had happened to her, or she had seen in the muggle world while escaping the magical community, Lana wished he would kindly drop that line of questioning and pursue another, gentler sort of subject.
" So, now, where do we go? There's no way you want anything to do with me.. "

[Zadiken Anvion]

He touched her face gently, looking into her eyes. "Lana, there's no way I'd let you slip through my fingers again." he leaned forward and kissed her gently over the desk. He touched her face gently, trying to show her how much he cared. He wanted her. This was more than just wanton desire, more than just lust. He missed her, what they had, what they could have. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. Those eyes that ensnared him before, the eyes that made him fall into the first and only true love he ever experienced. He wanted her to be his.
He would stand and walk around her desk, hoping she would meet him in the middle.

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana was shocked into silence as Zadiken kissed her across the desk. As her brain began firing again, she asked. "Slip through your fingers? Wasn't it you who left me?"

Unsure of exactly what she wanted from Zadiken, now or in the future she gently pulled away to give herself some distance to think. She didn't want to be hurt again.. Definitely not by the only one whom had succeeded in the past. Feeling uncertainty at where Zadiken wanted this to go, casual or committed, she feigned a smile and turned away for a second to check the tears that threatened.

Lana faced him as he stood, and both excited and dreading what would happen next, she stood and spoke quietly. "Zadiken, I can't.. I'm afraid.." She was afraid.. Of the only thing she would ever admit to, commitment and letting the only other person in that could hurt her.

[Zadiken Anvion]

Zadiken smiled and pulled her into a tight hug. "Honestly? I am too. I don't want to let you down again." he said quietly. He held her in the light of the orange sunset, eyes closed, remembering her form against his all those years ago. The feel of her breath on his neck. The smell of her hair. How could he have given this up? Now he wished two things. That she was pregnant, and that he had stayed... he felt as though this would be a woman he could start a family with. He would have loved it. A single tear ran down his face when he realized all that he had missed. He would give up his discoveries, his revival of alchemy, everything... just to have stayed with her that day.
He looked her in the eyes and then kissed her again, touching her face gently.

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana tried shrugging out of Zadiken's arms. She was unsure of what she wanted, she had just gotten used to hearing others call her headmistress, hell, she'd just gotten used to acting like a headmistress. She needed time to think, time to sort out her feelings, and to let him be sure of his this time around.
" Zadiken, too fast. Just...... Too fast.." she said.

This time around, if there was a this time, she didn't want the hot and heavy type of relationship that they had had when they were students here.... Ok, maybe she did.... But she didn't only want that, she wanted long term, forever type of feelings before she even began to let her guard down around him again.
" I don't want only the physical aspect this time with you, I want it all.. I don't want to feel like I am dying again, I've felt that two too many times. How about we start getting to know each other now not assuming things from years ago.?"

Lana rises up and places an impish kiss on Zadiken's soft lips, before turning away to blush.. Oh how that embarrasses her. She sits in her chair because her legs threatened to buckle and waits for Zadiken's next move.

[Zadiken Anvion]

Zadiken felt the kiss and how genuine her words were, accepting them and smiling a little. He nodded in understanding and looked out at the now dark sky. It had gotten so late... he didn't even take into account the fact that he had an entire room to set up tomorrow... lovely. He highly doubted he would even get any sleep tonight. "...I guess I gotta get my room and stuff set up. Even with Magic it's going to take a while." he complained, stretching, feeling several vertebrae pop satisfyingly. "Ah. Better... Lana, I think I'm going to go get my classroom set up, then go to bed... I'll get two hours of sleep, but I'll be okay." he honestly doubted that he'd even be able to sleep at all. Kaliana would be and will be on his mind for a long time... how could one sleep after a day like today? Not only did he get a job at the school he loved... but was reunited with the woman he loved. Today was perfect... He left the parchment on the desk that contained the writing. "I'll leave that with you. If you come up with anything, we'll discuss it over breakfast tomorrow. Ok?" he said, nodding to her.
He then turned, picking up the bag he had placed on the floor by the desk that contained everything for his office. He needed to get everything set up, and soon. He had classes to start up for late sign up students... Fun times. Fun times indeed.
He turned again and looked at her, smiling a little. "You're just as beautiful as you were back then, Lana... I just wanted you to know." he then turned to take his leave and enjoy his sleepless night.

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana felt a twinge of regret when Zadiken told her he was leaving, if only to get set up for classes for the next day. Trying to hide the rejection she felt even after she was the one who said that she had wanted more then a physical relationship. She made to get up, decided against it once and then made up her mind to do something, anything... even if it was purely against what she wanted out of the relationship...

Lana catches just the tips of Zadiken's fingers as she said, "Zadiken wait.... Okay.... I lied, I do want you, badly. I want to feel close to someone, even if for right now it is in a purely physical sense.... Though I didn't lie about wanting more from you, from us.."

Her confidence wavering by the second, she looked at him with a confused and entirely too frustrated look. Accepting which ever way he went, she let his hand go and waited.. As an after thought she said, " I can help you set up if you want, after all it is greatly my fault we are still standing here doing nothing worth doing, it is the least I could do."

[Zadiken Anvion]

He looked at her a moment, seeing the confusion, the want in her eyes. The need. He looked into her eyes for a moment, feeling a mix of happiness, a small bit of dread, and a sliver of regret. He set his bag on the floor, and pulled her into another hug, arms wrapped around her, eyes closed. He felt as though she had relaxed completely, letting go of her fears, her grudge against him. Just letting it go. He ran his fingers through her hair, knowing that she was still upset, probably feeling quite defeated.
He ran his fingers up and down her back, helping her relax. He didn't know what to even say, or begin to do. He felt just as confused as she was, resting his cheek on her forehead, swaying just a little. He smiled, and looked up at an old record player that sat in a corner. Obviously, it could play any music you wanted, due to this being the Magical World... he snapped his fingers, and the player played some slow, easy music.
"Forget the office tonight. Let's dance. Just you and me. Like at the Yule Ball all those years ago." he pulled her close, looking into her eyes.
Back then, they were the controversial couple, him being in Gryffindor, her in Slytherin. But they were left alone, pretty much because Zadiken wasn't one to mess with back in that day.
He waited for her to make the first move.

[Kaliana Justice]

Lana looked apprehensively up at Zadiken when he wrapped his arms around her so tight. She felt her body stiffen as she was scared of what he, they, were going to do.... After all any of the times between now and fourteen years ago had not been on her terms and had not been pleasant experiences. She tried to push that from her mind as she heard the low music fill the room and felt Zadiken start to pull her into a semblance of a dance. Embarrassed and also pissed at herself that she hadn't been stronger, she tried to pull away from his embrace to put distance between them.

" Zadiken.... You need to get ready for classes.. And I need to figure out exactly where I stand, I'm not sure about anything at all right now.." she said.

In fact she still wasn't, she thought for sure that she'd feel better once she had made up her mind, but she didn't. She felt more confused and at war with herself than ever. Feeling guilty for leading Zadiken in two different directions, she pulled away and faced him. Her voice quivered with hidden emotion as she said, " I have to know I'm not the only one in this.. I need to know where I stand, what you want from me."

Lana crossed her arms over her chest in an effort of self preservation. Making the first move had never come easy to her, even when she was still in school, because she hated being let down in relationships. Since living and experiencing the bad side of the muggle world she was even more self conscious and withdrawn in herself with any personal relationship, not that she'd had any, she has found out since meeting Zadiken again. How she wished she could be the ''her way or the highway'' type as she was in her professional life at this particular moment.

Knowing she had more than likely put Zadiken off by pushing him away, she apologized, " Please, forgive me.... I haven't.... I can't..............I don't......know...how to.. um.... start.... I haven't had any positive experiences on the personal level in, well, since you left.."

[Zadiken Anvion]

Zadiken was stumped. First she wanted him, now she's backing off? He tried not to laugh at her obvious frustration, but also felt absolutely awful for her. He was on the fence on if he should pursue a night with her, or give up and go to his quarters- his lack of quarters. He didn't even have quarters. He looked at her and nodded. "I... know. I know, Lana, and I'm sorry. I should... I should just go..." he said, looking at her, but not moving. He didn't want to leave. He couldn't just... leave. But, he couldn't put her through so much turmoil... Not anymore. He walked over to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
"...I've always loved you." he said, looking into her eyes. Finally, after 17 years, 14 of which not seeing her, he said it. He couldn't say it before to her. He'd say "I love juice" or some silly thing like that. He touched her face gently and sighed, turning away to pick up his bag and walk to the door.
His mind was so full... he couldn't think straight. He didn't know up from down. He didn't know if she wanted him to bed her, or leave her alone. He wasn't mad at her, not by any means, but he was frustrated. He hadn't been around her for years... and now he wasn't sure how to react with her.
He sighed and stopped at the doorway, placing a hand on it.
"Lana, I... I don't know what to do. I want to both comfort you and give you your space. I want to wake up next to you, but also want to give you the respect of having your own bed. I feel like the fourteen years after I left you... I wasted fourteen years of our life. OUR life... I want us, but I want us to take it slow as well..." he turned and looked over his shoulder at her, waiting for her to either let him go, or finally force him to stay.